Sunday, May 11, 2014

Our Decision To Start A Family

Michael and I decided last September we wanted to try and start a family. Little did we know that we would get pregnant our first month of trying. I joked with Michael about how excited I was that “I'm a fertile myrtle!” We were beyond ecstatic when we found out we were pregnant in our first month of actually trying. I started looking on Pinterest for nursery ideas, mom tips, just everything you look forward to when you start to plan for the arrival of your baby. I even took my very first “belly” photo at a mere 5 weeks pregnant. Little did we also know how common miscarriage is. Which is just what miscarriage is... common. About 1 in every 3 women experience miscarriage and I was now that statistic of 1 in 3. We knew we were pregnant for one week before we lost the baby. Miscarriage is not something you think about when you find out you are pregnant. The last thing you expect to see when you go to the bathroom is that streak of red on your toilet paper. I may have only known for one week, but I loved that baby, and I was crushed. If you have ever experienced miscarriage, it is nothing to be ashamed of. There is nothing you could have done to prevent it. It happens, unfortunately. We learn to accept it (as much as we can) and we keep going. Now that may make it sound like I am saying miscarriage is easy and that it does not make you sad. I am not saying that at all. It is not something you just get over, just like the death of a family member or friend you have known for years. You do not get over it, you just learn to accept it, as much as you can. There were plenty of nights where I cried myself to sleep. Having to get up from my desk at work to go cry in the bathroom. Even as I type this my eyes are welling up with tears. It is still something you do not forget. There was still life inside of you and it was instantly taken away from you. 

Through all of this Michael and I have become that much stronger of a couple and felt ready as ever to tackle anything that may come our way. This is why we decided miscarriage was not going to stop us from starting the family we both want. After another 3 months of trying we found out once again that we were pregnant. This time, there were no tears of happiness or jumping and hugging. There was anxiety. Tremendous amounts of anxiety. Of course we were still ecstatic we were expecting another baby, but every time I sat down to use the restroom my heart would stop. Every little ache or pain made me panic. My anxiety caused me to break out into hives/rash on my back, chest, arms, and legs. Google is your worst enemy when you are pregnant and have experienced miscarriage. NEVER trust people on the internet! It was not until our first sonogram at 8 weeks that my rash subsided. Leading up to that appointment I kept wondering "what if nothing shows up on the screen", but sure enough... there was our little baby with an active heartbeat of 168 beats per minute. Now the rate of miscarriage drops tremendously, but I was still anxious until our 12 weeks appointment, and then until our 16 week appointment. The anxiety lessened with each appointment now I am trying to enjoy everything that is to come our way. We are having a baby BOY! And so far he is perfectly healthy. Becoming a mom (soon) and being pregnant has been one of the most rewarding feelings and I cannot imagine how I am going to feel once our little guy is here. The love I have for him is already overflowing. 

Besides the anxiety I have had a very smooth pregnancy so far. I was only nauseous for about 2-3 weeks. I only threw up once (which was at my mom's house when nobody knew we were pregnant yet). I did have food aversions for several weeks where I could not stand the smell of eggs, sausage, or chicken. I actually had to leave the house one day when Michael was cooking eggs. It was overwhelming and made me want to hurl. I pretty much dream every night and they are crazy weird dreams. My fatigue is getting better. I can actually pick myself up off the couch and do laundry, dishes, or cook dinner. The naps are not near as frequent. I wear maternity pants now to accommodate my growing bump. I think I have even begun to start feeling the little guy move. It just feels like little "pops" in my belly. It is an amazing feeling.